my aunt is dying
Dec. 15th, 2011 02:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassidyroseMy aunt and godmother, my mother's older sister, is dying.
She will be dead within a few days probably, if not sooner. She may very well die tonight, or tomorrow once her husband, with our family's blessing, signs the orders to remove the ventilator and transition to comfort care.
She has been in the hospital since the middle of August and hasn't left. She has been lucid only a fraction of that time. She has barely been able to move at all on her own since being admitted, and a lot of the time she couldn't move at all.
She had a severe case of acute pancreatitis caused by a gall stone lodging itself in a bile duct. She was very, very ill and almost died from that, four months ago. She didn't die, but then she got a blood infection, then her kidneys started failing, and then more infection, and some improvement, then worse, then some improvement...it went on.
One month ago she had radical, last-ditch surgery to try to save her life. Her pancreas and gall bladder were removed. The surgery did prevent her from dying that weekend as she would have without it, but the bulk of this past month she has been even sicker than before.
She had a good few days, good enough that I and other family members where able to talk to her on the phone.
I last spoke with her on Thanksgiving.
I last saw her a few weeks before that. I didn't go see her after her surgery because everyone in our house has been sick with something or another and she seemed to be doing better-ish for a bit and I didn't want to bring our sick germs to her and others in the ICU.
The last couple of weeks have been a downturn. She developed a blood clot and was put back on a ventilator two days ago. Her kidneys have now completely failed. Her lungs and heart are failing as well. It is past time to concede this battle, even though it is far too soon to lose her.
She is only sixty-one years old, two years older than my mom. She worked all year for me at S.'s preschool. She has been like a grandmother to our kids. S. was close to her.
I don't know what S. thinks of her being sick. His brain doesn't let him talk about those things or process them the way the rest of us might. He will probably show no reaction to the explanation of her death except for saying "you cannot tell me things like that." I am sad for him. So sad that he is losing someone when he is so young, someone he is used to seeing a lot.
L. will have no memory of her. There will be pictures, but nothing more for him.
The kids last saw her a couple days before she got sick. We went to Lindsay Wildlife Museum and she bought S. this elaborate snowy owl puppet. Its head turns and its wings flap.
I cannot figure out how to talk about what this loss is to me. My aunt did not have children of her own (though she married a man with seven kids when she was 37) and my sister and I were "her girls". My family is shrinking and it is hard to deal with. All my grandparents are dead and now my aunt will be too.
It is hard.
I have felt since she got the first blood infection that this was it. She was dying and we had lost her. I have been preparing for this for months and did not expect any other outcome. She has just been too sick with something too extreme. I hoped for a turn-around, but I saw that it was incredibly unlikely.
I will not be attending this death. I was with my grandmother when she died and with Michael's dad up until a minute or two before he died and I am at peace with not being there when my aunt takes her last breath. Her husband will be there, one or more of his children, and my uncle (my mom and aunt's brother). She is not conscious and I have said my good-bye's and told her I love her.
It feels unreal.
It feels wholly unfair.
Just two years ago she was the first family member at the hospital when I went into labor with L. She and her husband met us at the hospital to take care of S. until Micheal could take him home.
She likely will be dead by L.'s second birthday on Saturday.
It will be my birthday too. Everyone is worried she is going die on my birthday, not just because that would kind of be shitty for me, but because it would be her own worst nightmare for that to happen.
I requested no phone calls or notifications overnight. I will find out in the morning if anything happened.
It just sucks.
She will be dead within a few days probably, if not sooner. She may very well die tonight, or tomorrow once her husband, with our family's blessing, signs the orders to remove the ventilator and transition to comfort care.
She has been in the hospital since the middle of August and hasn't left. She has been lucid only a fraction of that time. She has barely been able to move at all on her own since being admitted, and a lot of the time she couldn't move at all.
She had a severe case of acute pancreatitis caused by a gall stone lodging itself in a bile duct. She was very, very ill and almost died from that, four months ago. She didn't die, but then she got a blood infection, then her kidneys started failing, and then more infection, and some improvement, then worse, then some improvement...it went on.
One month ago she had radical, last-ditch surgery to try to save her life. Her pancreas and gall bladder were removed. The surgery did prevent her from dying that weekend as she would have without it, but the bulk of this past month she has been even sicker than before.
She had a good few days, good enough that I and other family members where able to talk to her on the phone.
I last spoke with her on Thanksgiving.
I last saw her a few weeks before that. I didn't go see her after her surgery because everyone in our house has been sick with something or another and she seemed to be doing better-ish for a bit and I didn't want to bring our sick germs to her and others in the ICU.
The last couple of weeks have been a downturn. She developed a blood clot and was put back on a ventilator two days ago. Her kidneys have now completely failed. Her lungs and heart are failing as well. It is past time to concede this battle, even though it is far too soon to lose her.
She is only sixty-one years old, two years older than my mom. She worked all year for me at S.'s preschool. She has been like a grandmother to our kids. S. was close to her.
I don't know what S. thinks of her being sick. His brain doesn't let him talk about those things or process them the way the rest of us might. He will probably show no reaction to the explanation of her death except for saying "you cannot tell me things like that." I am sad for him. So sad that he is losing someone when he is so young, someone he is used to seeing a lot.
L. will have no memory of her. There will be pictures, but nothing more for him.
The kids last saw her a couple days before she got sick. We went to Lindsay Wildlife Museum and she bought S. this elaborate snowy owl puppet. Its head turns and its wings flap.
I cannot figure out how to talk about what this loss is to me. My aunt did not have children of her own (though she married a man with seven kids when she was 37) and my sister and I were "her girls". My family is shrinking and it is hard to deal with. All my grandparents are dead and now my aunt will be too.
It is hard.
I have felt since she got the first blood infection that this was it. She was dying and we had lost her. I have been preparing for this for months and did not expect any other outcome. She has just been too sick with something too extreme. I hoped for a turn-around, but I saw that it was incredibly unlikely.
I will not be attending this death. I was with my grandmother when she died and with Michael's dad up until a minute or two before he died and I am at peace with not being there when my aunt takes her last breath. Her husband will be there, one or more of his children, and my uncle (my mom and aunt's brother). She is not conscious and I have said my good-bye's and told her I love her.
It feels unreal.
It feels wholly unfair.
Just two years ago she was the first family member at the hospital when I went into labor with L. She and her husband met us at the hospital to take care of S. until Micheal could take him home.
She likely will be dead by L.'s second birthday on Saturday.
It will be my birthday too. Everyone is worried she is going die on my birthday, not just because that would kind of be shitty for me, but because it would be her own worst nightmare for that to happen.
I requested no phone calls or notifications overnight. I will find out in the morning if anything happened.
It just sucks.
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(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 11:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 12:53 pm (UTC)if it might be helpful I've been researching children's books recently, and I have a list of books for children dealing with death.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 03:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 06:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 06:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 11:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-16 03:33 am (UTC)My dear friend just went through the whole young child with issues not really understanding/comprehending a death in the close family. I'm looking for any resources for her and if I find any, I can pass them along if you like.