something I worry about

[cassidyrose]

I worry that there is nothing after death. I worry that perhaps once I die I am done, finished, over. I cease to be. Then I wonder why I worry because if there is really nothing more, then I won't know it once I am dead.

And I go 'round and 'round in this circular debate for hours on end. It used to be something which would throw me into states of panic. Fortunately, the marvels of modern medicine allow me to push this issue to the recesses of my brain (most of the time) so I can adequately function in life. However, sometimes I still worry.

I have decided I don't like the idea of ceasing to exist. I don't want to "not be" even if once I am not, I won't know it because I don't exist anymore. When I think about this, I start to mourn myself and my own eventual death. Then I feel like I must be terribly vain to mourn the loss of myself, and that makes me feel weird.

I won't even get started on what the prospect of other individual's deaths does to me. I can't think about people dying without getting extremely upset.

I want to believe that there is something beyond death for all of us, but sometimes I have a really difficult time believing. I am acutally sometimes scared of exploring my spirituality and magick further for fear that I will find that there is nothing beyond death. Weird, huh? I think I am mostly scared of finding out that what I feel to be true, and believe to be true, may not be so and perhaps I am somehow deluding myself into thinking there is more than there really is.

Well, enough musings on death for now.

Comments

[rosefox]

All I can tell you is that I've seen and spoken with--not to, with--the spirits of people who have died: Liam, my grandmother, my great-grandmother (who actually died before I was born; I was named after her). I don't think it happens to everyone. I know someone whose father described an atheistic near-death experience: no afterlife of any sort, just nothingness. I believe that death is the last and greatest moment of mind over matter, and that when your you-ness is separated from the matter that makes up your body, where you go is directed by your mind: what you want, and what you believe at heart. Everyone lives differently and dies differently, so how could the same thing happen to each person after death? Just as your life is dependent on the soul that is shaped by your genes and experiences--nature and nurture--so I think that death is dependent on the soul that is shaped by your life.

So there are lots and lots of options. But if you do feel, deep down, that there will be something more for you, then I firmly believe that there will be.

[rampling.livejournal.com]

As an atheist, I've had to come to terms with this one. I figure I've already made my peace with the first half -- my nonexistence before I was born. My nonexistence after I die ought to be rather similar. It's not my favorite thing, but I've managed to wrap my brain (and my emotions) around this idea well enough to be comfortable in general.

Practically though, I look at the span of life that I do have as a stroke of good fortune, a fortuitous happenstance. The time I'm alive is a lucky thing "I" have, and I aim to spend it well (part of why I'm poly, and part of why I'm an activist). The time before and afterward is not mine. To me, spending life "well" means both personal happiness and positive efforts towards others. I do hope and intend to leave positive effects from my life on some other people -- my own secular humanist dream. I believe that each person has the potential to make the world a better place, in whatever large or tiny way they can. How they affect others lives on. That's what matters after death for me.

I think my attitude towards death is rather uncommon, though.