On the topic of choice....

[cassidyrose]

I was getting cranky last night hearing over and over how being gay is "not a choice". Apparently I was not the only one, and I really like what rampling wrote about it:

Not everyone chooses the path of least resistance, even when they do have a choice.

... It's unfair to the everyday commitment and even courage of so many people to claim that no one would choose an unpopular and difficult path. I'm really sick of hearing this point stated as if it's intuitively obvious.

I had my own comments to someone else's journal post about the topic which were:

While I can understand trying to make people understand that sexual orientation is an inherent characteristic of oneself, I find it disturbing in that it all too often seems that we (as a community) are asking people to accept us because it isn't a choice. It is like we are saying that we can't help but be like this, therefore we must be accepted. It ignores the point of view (which I hold) that regardless of whether or not it is a choice, it should be accepted.

...Also, while most agree that sexual orientation is mostly an inherent, unchangelable trait, how we choose to express our orientation is largely our choice. I believe in the right to choose whom I love and how, whether or not I was "born this way". I believe that if it was/is a choice there should be nothing wrong with chosing to be queer."

I did make a conscious choice to explore my attraction to woman and what that means to me. I did chose to be very, very out and active as a queer women, despite consistently having a male primary partner. I was offered the path of least resistance and chose not to take it. Additionally, I have chosen many unpopular and difficult paths in my life because it is what I want and actively chose to do. For example, I have pursued my training as dancer because I want and love to dance despite the fact that it is incredibly difficult to get respect as a dancer at my size, and my size makes me somewhat of an "intruder" in the world of skinny dancers. Additionally, I chose to be poly--I had inherent poly leanings, but by actions have all been based on conscious choice. I didn't become actively poly because I had no choice in the matter--I chose it and I live with the consequences.

So, yeah, as rampling said some of us do take unpopular and difficult paths, not because we are without choice in the matter, but because we have made conscious decisions to live our lives a certain way.

Comments

[rampling.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you liked my post. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is really rankled by this "not a choice" pathetic excuse. I'm so glad you get it and care enough to even make a post yourself. I feel less alone. And I'm very glad you've made the difficult choices you have made -- queerness, dancing, poly. It's very important that there are people (like you) that will stand up proudly for the difficult choices they've made and demand respect. I believe that such things are a very important part of how progress is made.

I have an urge to write Rosie a letter, but I'm sure it'd be lost in the deluge.

[rosefox]

No, you're not the only one.

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Anyone know where to email Rosie? I hunted a bit and found a reference to posting a question using the website http://www.rosiemagazine.com/community/rosie.jsp . Anyone have any better suggestions?